Saturday, January 21, 2012

Sad Photos

My favorite photo from my childhood is one where my older sister and I are crying in the back seat of our dad's car. Actually, we're not even crying by then--we're at the stage of post-tears sadness, probably can't remember what we were sad about, but still filled with sadness that feels like it would never end.

I can't tell for sure what makes it my favorite photo. Maybe it's because unlike all the staged photos we had, when this one was taken we weren't told to smile for the camera. It was genuine, and it probably shows our true childhood more than any other photo.

Not that we were sad kids. It's not as simple as that. We had great joy and great sadness, like all other kids (well, like adults as well, only as adults we learn to be comfortably numb when it comes to extreme emotions, I suppose). But in that one picture, we weren't asked to be fake and to smile no matter what. Instead, we were emotional and for once, real.

Thing is, now that I'm a dad, I often make the same mistake. I take dozens of photos every day, but in the end, they're all the same, aren't they? My kids being happy and cute, enjoying every single minute of this gift of life. What kind of heartless parent sees his kids crying and thinks, "Kodak Moment!" after all?

Still, I try to do two things to keep the memories more genuine. In the end, we will all remember this time only from photos and videos, so it's my responsibility to show things as they were. First, I never ask my kids to smile for the camera, and I get uncomfortable when others do. You want my kids to smile? Do something funny. They like to see people fall over. Want my kids to smile? Hit the floor.

And the second thing I do is take the occasional candid photo of my kids when they're sad. It's not easy, because they might notice what I'm doing and resent me for that, but I feel I must do it. For their own good... See, one day when they're depressed (they'll be teenagers or even adults), they'll find themselves looking at old photos and they'll realize life has always been and always will be about highs and lows, and that just like they've dealt with the lows as kids by moving on, they'll be able to do the same for the rest of their lives. Sadness is temporary. I hope by capturing the sadness, I'll show them happiness wasn't just a childhood fad.







Sad Photos

Sad Photos

Sad Photos

Sad Photos



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18 comments:

  1. I love those photos too. My favorite one is of my sister on a stagecoach when she was little. She got scared by fake gunshots, and the camera caught her post-cry with lower lip sticking way out. She's all like, "WTF? That was supposed to be fun?? Thanks a lot, parents." Still makes me laugh. Guiltily

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  2. Fairly new to Fatherhood, I never put much thought into capturing such moments. Thanks for the post....I will now grab a few of those shots!!!

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  3. Very interesting point of view. I can honestly say I never thought of that and I appreciate the fact that you made me think about the photos I take of my own children. Great shots, too.

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  4. Oh I LOVE the crying photos!!! LOVE THEM!!!! I'm not sure why though really, because I'm all about forgetting the sad as quickly as possible.

    My dad always tells me that I remember every bad thing in excruciating detail. But I think that's not true. I just remember everything I remember in excruciating detail and forget everything else .

    When my nephew was around two years old, a crazy guy walked into this daycare randomly off the streets with two knives and attacked the teacher. The police came in and shot and killed the crazy guy with the kids in the room. We went on a family vacation just after this happened and everyone was so worried about my nephew having been through all that. I was big into scrapbooking at the time, and made all these layouts of beach pictures and all of us. But I didn't know what to do with this other memory that was very much a part of the trip, so I wrote it on a hidden tag and tucked it behind the picture. Years later looking through the pictures, I only had all these happy memories from that trip. I didn't think about the incident at all in relation to that trip when looking through the pictures. I only remember it on rare occasions, like when thinking about how memory works and when we have a meeting about security at my school. In fact, I think if I hadn't hidden that tag in there, I wouldn't relate it to the trip at all. I've been thinking of throwing away the tag.

    But then there was this other trip we took where my brother and ex-sister in law had already decided to divorce but hadn't told us yet. My main memory of that trip was a general feeling that something was "off". Well, that and that going to see transvestite karaoke was fun despite things feeling off. And I still have that feeling even though the pictures are all happy and sweet and smilie.

    Memory is just such a strange thing. I do think it can be altered by the photos we take and how we choose to remember, but maybe only to a certain extent. I don't know.

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  5. Lleenieweenie - That sounds SO CUTE!!!! And I love your explanation! :-)

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  6. The images of crying baby is also so cute.Thanks for sharing here.Good childhood photographs to revive memories.

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  7. Thanks for sharing with me your favorite childhood collection.

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  8. I'm totally with you on this one, I love candid shots more than the staged ones. I also have a favorite childhood photo of me and my brothers walking through a field and my mom took a picture and I think it just captured our personalities so well, I'm so glad I have it to look back on.
    I also realized (from Twistedxtians blog) that I haven't been here much, sorry about that. I went through a time of adding everybody and their brother ot my reader until I had a nervous breakdown then I unsubscribed from everyone and am slowly building it back up. hope you'll forgive my absence!

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  9. IleenieWeenie, that's awesome. I don't want to get myself into a family quarrel (again), but your sister is such a CRY-BABY!

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  10. At Home Dad, hey, I just hope your boy don't blame me if you make him cry now!

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  11. Dad to 3 Boys, thanks! And I swear I didn't make them cry on purpose just to get nice pictures.

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  12. Jill, I was walking with a friend in Brooklyn once and saw fisherman on rocks. I told my friend about the time my dad took me around to talk to fishermen, and about how they let me fish for a while, and it was a great memory. As soon as I said it I realized it didn't happen. Probably saw it in a movie.

    Also, my dad would only take photos of us if we stared at the sun, because he thought that was the only proper way to get good photos, so we're squinting with forced smiles in all of our childhood photos. I assume I wasn't smiling and squinting throughout my childhood, though...

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  13. An Ordinary Dad, thanks. You're welcome anytime. You're even allowed to take a break. (I also add too much to my reader so I know what you mean. In a perfect world I'd have time to read for hours every day.)

    And that's an amazing photo of you and your brothers.

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  14. I will never tell him, where I got the Idea.....LOL at only 8.5 Months...I have lots of time to catch those snapshots

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  15. All the baby crying photos are so nice.I enjoyed watching these.Good childhood memory.

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  16. Thanks for sharing your childhood memories here.Looking pretty cute in pics.

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  17. Such a great article which Still, It try to do two things to keep the memories more genuine. In the end, it will all remember this time only from photos and videos, so it's my responsibility to show things as they were. Thanks for sharing this article.

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  18. Thanks, Jenny (and thanks At Home Dad -- somehow I missed your comment. Sorry...)

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