Sunday, October 2, 2011

In Which I Try to Understand the Haters

Here's a year-old cut-and-pasted post from my previous blog. I haven't finished reading The Blogger's Manual: 101 Dos and Don'ts Every Blogger Should Know, so all I can do is hope you don't mind me doing that, and that maybe you even end up liking this post.

There are websites devoted to people who hate parents.Well, there's everything on the Internet. It's like that parallel universe theory. If the universe is infinite, then there's bound to be another planet just like this one, only a little bit different. Like, rainbows smell bad different. I'm trying to say that everything is on the Internet--including a site devoted to people who call parents breeders. It doesn't mean the Internet is full of haters, just that it's infinite and that infinite things contain all the beauty of the world and all its ugliness.

Thing is, it could have been me. I could have been the one complaining I had to work on Halloween because my co-workers' two-year-old kids wanted them around for trick-or-treat. I could have been the one saying fertility drugs should be banned. Maybe I would have been the one calling an online discussion between mothers a Moofest.

It's all there. And it could have been me.

I understand people who choose not to become parents. There are many good reasons not to be parents. Maybe you had bad parents and you're afraid of making the same mistakes. Maybe you heard "a child changes everything," and you want no change. I understand.

And I know it could have been me.

You go to a restaurant with a couple with babies. In the car, all they talk about is the kids. At the restaurant, the kids do all the talking, because it's exciting to be in a restaurant. And then the parents go to get a soda refill, and you give their kids a chip. When they come back, they say, "You gave him a chip??? Now he won't eat anything else!!!"

So I understand. You get older, and everyone you know is making babies. And you can see them losing their identities to their new glorified Parent identities, and just when you think they're about to regain some of what it was they had lost in the delivery room, they go and make another baby!!!

So I understand. Because it could have been me. I didn't want to become my parents, and I didn't want my life to change, so why make babies?

And yet, of course I was going to have babies. They're fun. And they allow you to relive your own childhood. And they cuddle. And they learn and they teach.

I understand the haters. I wish they didn't hate, but I understand them. I wish they didn't care about what I choose to do with my life, but that means I shouldn't care what they choose to do on the Internet. The Internet is infinite, which means I can avoid the ugly parts.

Oh, and there's a punchline. Earlier tonight, a friend (with no kids) and I went with my kids to Chipotle. We sat down with the food, and I went to get drinks. By the time I came back, my friend had already given Liam a chip, which meant Liam would eat nothing but chips. And as soon as I told my friend that Liam now wouldn't eat anything else, I realized I should have kept it to myself. Parents are annoying, I know. But look, he's reading my favorite book!



  1. I don't think the haters realize how much they are missing. :)

  2. See, what I'm saying is that it could have been me saying these horrible things, and not even realizing that whether it's better to have children or not, neither makes a person better than another. These people are all about a sense of superiority, and being "child-free" is just another excuse for them to show off what they see as their superior life-choices.

  3. I agree with ModernMom! Kids are such a blessing and i admit mine have made me a BETTER PERSON! I cant see life without them.

  4. They just haven't realized how a child can bring the happiness that they haven't had.

  5. I agree that my kids have made me a better person. (Not that you need kids to be a better person, but--well, I'm not sure. I do know that knowing someone so impressionable is forced to trust me to show him the way makes me act more responsibly, though.)

  6. Every little thing in life, no matter how nice or inconsequential, will be hated by someone, somewhere.

    Sadly the internet gives these people the opportunity to mouth off to a larger audience.

    I have many Facebook freinds who moan about parents and children, without targetting anyone in particulur. I do not hold back on what I think of their opinion.

    The haters were children once, they probably caused problems for their parents too. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that....

  7. I think that if you ask them, they'll say it's all a reaction to the way parents talk about "the joy of parenting." At least that's what I got from their forums. But it's just an excuse to be assholes. Haters think it's okay to hate as long as they define it as a reaction to an attack on themselves...

  8. Excellent Post. Of course there are haters, there always are. kinda makes me stop to reevaluate the things that bother me. It's always a good idea to look at things from the other persons perspective.

  9. I know. Makes you rethink your own random hatred.



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