Monday, October 10, 2011

In Which I Suddenly Remember What It's Like to be a Child.

The other day we went to see some friends. My kids went into their 8-year-old girl's room while we stayed in the living room. After a while, I went to check in on the kids. They were watching Little Monsters, where Fred Savage finds monster Howie Mandel under his bed.

First of all, a sidenote: even with a blue face and pointy horns, Howie Mandel is less creepy in the movie than he is nowadays.

Anyway, I ask the girl what the movie is about, because it's obvious she's seen it many times before, and she tells me

This monster lives under this kid's bed, and he takes him with him under the bed to the Monster Land, where it's really cool, because there are no parents and no homework, and you get to eat candy . . .

But I already stopped listening because I'm stuck on that first thing she said...

It's "really cool" because there are no parents? But... but we're so much fun! I mean, sure, we say, "Don't do this" or "that," and we say things like, "I will NOT tell you again," and, "Go to your room," and, "I told you if you do this one more time we're going straight home, so now you can only blame yourself. And no screaming in the car. It's dangerous," and, "Sure you can have a cookie. After you finish your couscous," and--

Sometimes I get so involved in this role I'm playing, that I don't even stop to think... I wouldn't change any of the things I say, don't get me wrong, because it is my often-unpleasant job to turn my kids into good people. But on the other hand, if a blue Howie Mandel crawled out from under my boy's bed and invited him to a fun-filled parent-free land, I'd understand if he took his hand and crawled back in without even saying goodbye.


  1. I have found the best way to stay cool in my toddlers eyes is to give him cool punishments when he misbehaves.

    Instead of sending him to his room, I keep repeating a word that he really hates for some odd reason "Coopie". This really annoys him and he usually starts behaving soon enough.

    My boy can be a little strange.

  2. I just wanted to completely divert the conversation...Little Monsters was fun but creepy at the same time. Wasn't the main antagonist a spooky zombie looking kid named "Boy"? Now, the part when Fred Savage and the monster go around pranking all the bullies, that was funny. Fred Savages career now? Not so funny.

  3. Very nice post. But that Blue Howie sounds real creepy.

  4. hahhahha, It is very good movie for kids fun and they really do same as well about movie. Obviously kid will want same which they do.

  5. I can tell I'm having one of my worst days as a preschool teacher when the thought, "I'm SO tired of ordering people around..." passes through my head. But if you don't do it, they'd just spit on each other all day. Except for the days they'd pummel each other...

  6. Robert, funny, I did that yesterday in the car with "Abogadabo." He screamed, "No! Don't SAY that!!!"

    -- Abogadabo.
    -- No!!!
    -- Abog...
    -- No!!!
    -- So you'll NEVER take your arms off the seat belt again?
    -- OK. But don't say Abogadabo...

  7. daddydaughterdate, no no no. He's not acting much anymore, but he's actually doing great. He's directing episodes of Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Modern Family, Party Down (Rest in Peace), and a lot of other stuff. I still allow myself to be jealous of him.

  8. Seattledad, hey, but not as creepy as the tiny-bearded (okay, "soul patch") germophobe he is today.

  9. Jill, I know... It's a dirty job sometimes. And I often think, "What's the worst that can happen if I let him do that?" And if the answer is not "Hospital," I let him do what he wants. And still I somehow find myself saying "No" and "Stop" 90% of my time with him.

  10. The don'ts that parents say is just a way of saying I want good things for you child. ;)



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