Saturday, February 5, 2011

Second Child Syndrome

Second Child Syndrome


I've been 100% in tune with my first kid's milestones.

He was on time for keeping his head straight. A little early when it came to sitting up. Clapped his hands according to expectations. A little behind on drinking from a sippy cup, but a little early for using straws. It took him a while to lift himself up. While the books said he was supposed to crawl forward, he only crawled backwards. He was walking at 13 months--pretty much on average. He was an early speaker, which was particularly advanced because he spoke two languages. He was behind on jumping. He was within range when it came to potty training. Late on using his bike pedals. Early on puzzles.

And now he has a little sister. She'll be a year-old soon, and I still have no idea how she's doing. One day I notice her smile, then she claps her hands, and then one day she starts to sing, and then crawl, and all I can think is, "Oh cool, I guess she can do THAT now."

And don't get me wrong--I think that's a good thing.



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41 comments:

  1. It is.

    Wait till the third.

    One day you wake up and they are taller than you... and you are all 'wait, how did THAT happen?'

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  2. I think both my first and second are going to be a little late to drive...

    I imagine you'd know if anything were really wrong, which is the only reason to pay the milestones any attention anyway. :-) :-) :-)

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  3. Kelley, I just think too many people automatically would fill guilty about that, you know? As if our obsession with milestones has ever helped us or our kids...

    Jill, when you're a parent for the first time, everything is a symptom. She crawls in circles? Must be an ear infection!

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  4. So funny. I am a total first parent. I remember going to parties and asking people how much their kids weighed! I was obsessed with the percentiles. No one with two kids had ANY idea. Hilarious. Thankfully as time goes on (he's 1.5 yrs now), I'm getting less and less interested in milestones. Once my son walked, I kind of breathed a sign of relief and forgot about the rest. That said, I sure hope he learns to talk (haha).

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  5. Am I weird then? I really have no idea how our wee one measures up versus other kids.

    She thinks everything is a phone and eats her own hair.

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  6. Harriet, don't worry--there will be more. As soon as he says his first sentence, you'll start worrying about "How hard is it to sit on the toilet and let things happen???"

    Martin, but everything IS a phone!

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  7. Yeeeep, I've got it, the syndrome. a 2.5 and a near one year old, and I am shocked at how it seems all of a sudden the baby is doing things I hadn't seen before.

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  8. I have a little brother and I know for sure that when he was a child he didn't receive the same attention as I did when I was his age. In fact he did not even have as many toys as I did. My parents now feel sorry for not having taken more pictures of him when he was a child... That made me feel kind of bad!

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  9. With a 5 year old girl and a 1 year old boy, I'm going through this phenomena right now. Yet, like a 10 step program, the first step is recognizing there's a problem. I try to notice his new stuff as much as I can. Thanks for the post.
    Oh, and I'll be checking out Mocha Dad. Thanks for the post there.

    jason
    The Cheeky Daddy

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  10. Surfer, sometimes I feel like it's unfair that we got to witness every little change in our boy and we don't do the same with her, but then I realize we only noticed these things for us--obsessing about milestones didn't do HIM any good, after all.

    Tax, you know, that's how I thought it was going to be: The young sibling gets all the attention. But maybe because the older boy is 3, which is a tough age, and maybe because his baby sister is so easy-going, but we really end up dealing with him much more. What can we do? While we struggle all night with sleep issues with him, all we need to do with her is put her down and say Good Night...

    Jason, but see, I think the problem was with the older kid. As strange as it is for me now to suddenly realize my almost-1-year-old girl is growing up, I don't think missing her milestones is bad for her. If anything, I think not obsessing about her is making her much more independent than he's ever been.

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  11. wow, someday i will get this syndrome to hahaa thanks

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  12. I am expecting my second any day now, can't wait!

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  13. Kids are just the best thing a man could ask for, I am a father of two and adore them more than life itself.

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  14. Nice to see something mentioned and in favour of fathers for a change :-)

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  15. I've been the second child in my family and I always felt like my parents did not spend the same amount of time with me as they did with my sister. However,I turned out really fine :)

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  16. I haven't had my first child yet, but I'm really hoping I can avoid the milestone obsession. Each child will grown at learn and his or her own pace and I think keeping track of the progression would turn me into a nervous wreck. :)

    I also worry that I'll turn into one of those parents that has to have photographic evidence of each and every blink, coo and smile. I don't know if I'll be able to avoid it! haha

    Oh and BloggerFather, I love the blog.

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  17. I will become a father again in 2 months time for the first time in 18 years! I cannot tell you how happy I am.

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  18. It is always mom who gets the appreciation when it comes to rearing a child when in fact children are lucky to have a father.

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  19. I haved loved being a father of two over-acheiving daughters who are now preparing for college. I smile when I read all of your posts about your children. My most recent "2nd Child" mistake is that I've been bragging up my 18 year old's ACT score of 30. I never thought about the pressure it would put on the second child. She got a very respectable 25 and she's heartbroken. Damn me and my big fat mouth...

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  20. Anonymous, I catch myself (and can't help myself) with simple "Look how good your sister is eating! And she's a BABY!!!" -- I can't imagine being able to stop myself when it comes to the more important stuff, unfortunately.

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  21. Well thanks for sharing, Your son must be good maybe it's in the genes^^

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  22. Wow that's amazing I think he's going to be a very smart boy he seems like he's a quick learned. There a handful those little ones but so fun to watch grow up.

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  23. I am really attentive with my younger son (he is 3), as I got the feeling both I and my wife kind of neglected him while he was a baby. Not in the wrong way, but I feel quite ashamed I have not taken as many photos of him as I did with my first kid. I really have make it up to him. I'm glad I realized it now.

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  24. When my son was born I thought everything he did was incredible and he was the most brilliant child that had ever been born! It never occurred to me to check this against the yardstick of the average child.

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  25. Hey I am a second child, and I turned out fine :D. Errr the next bit probably sounds really gloomy and I know I was loved. But just a warning though, one day she will probably ask 'When did I start walking? What were my first words?' ect and she might look in both her brother and her baby books and realize while his is filled out hers is lucky to have the basics jotted down. I know I noticed that and the lack of pics of just me. I can't say if I felt sad or didn't feel sad because it always was but I did eventually notice.

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  26. No matter how many children one may have, a parent remains a parent, that meaning he loves them all the same!

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  27. Anonymous, as much as I was in tune with my first child's milestones, I forgot them as soon as the next one came along. So at least I won't have an answer for either of them when they ask when they did stuff for the first time. Parenting is such a learning curve, that you have to forget this stuff to make room, you know?

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  28. I've always paid attention to my younger son, as I knew out of my experience that he may feel neglected.

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  29. I have a little sister who always felt neglected because of me receiving more attention than her. Actually the same thing is happening now, as my parents keep interfering with my life more than hers.

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  30. My 3 kids are all equal! I've taught them that, so that no one feels neglected.

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  31. My parents didn't care too much about this...Maybe it was because that happened a long time ago, where emotions were not that important in the old days. Both me and my brother turned out fine and have no emotional problems.

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  32. My brother and I never felt neglected, as my parents knew how to make sure we both received the same amount of attention. I got jealous on my brother from time to time though, as he was the younger one, and everybody thought he was cuter :)

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  33. I've always paid attention to my two kids, as I never wanted any of them to feel neglected. Alexander, my older son is really protective with his younger sister and totally understands why mommy and daddy pay more attention to her.

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  34. I think most parents aren't aware of this second child syndrome, as there are so many kids that feel neglected.

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  35. My mother always loved my younger brother more, and still does. However, that was normal for me, as he was younger! That gave me the chance to develop as a very normal adult, without too many emotions. I don't think that lack of attention made me become a less emotional adult though.

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  36. My parents were both teachers, so they were pretty much aware about children behaviour, so they were so great about making me and my sis feel as they loved us equally, which they actually did and still do.

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  37. I and my sister always felt loved equally, as our parents had many brothers and sisters of their own, so they were aware of this kind of problems.

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  38. All parents should pay so much attention when doing anything in front of their children. Jealousy between brothers is very common.

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