I write this blog and I meet other stay-at-home fathers online and in playgrounds. I've been home for nearly three years now. And yet, I don't think I'll ever be completely comfortable with this thing.
When I was a kid, the Feminist movement was slowly gaining ground, but all that really meant was that mothers were moving out of the house to find jobs while still carrying the major responsibilities of raising the children. Feminism still didn't apply to child-rearing.
As a young man, I thought it was my responsibility to shape my generation by my actions and by the values I had held. It was my job to question the norm and to reshape it. This meant, among other things, realizing there was nothing "natural" about assigned parental roles.
And still, although I've thought of myself as a Progressive and open-minded person, when it came down to making the decision to be a stay-at-home dad, I felt uncomfortable. When it was time to say goodbye to my wife and wish her a good day at work, a part of me wanted to leave the house with her. I didn't love my job and I didn't hate my boy, but the idea that I was now a stay-at-home-father felt too foreign.
Mr. Mom, house-husband, SAHD... What did any of these have to do with me? I was better than staying home with a baby! I was a man!
It took me a while to understand what makes a man. Watching my boy grow from an infant to the amazing kid he is today, unable to hide my pride in him and in myself, the thought I was doing the right thing has been steadily gaining ground since that first day. My job didn't make me a man. My paycheck didn't make me a man. Doing the right thing did.
Which is all just an introduction to Ron Mattocks' book, Sugar Milk.
This book is filled with funny little stories about Ron's interactions with his step-daughters, with his wife, and with characters from his pre-SAHD life, but that's not all I saw. What I did see in this book (and maybe that's simply what I was desperately looking for) was a story of a transformation. Through those funny stories, we see a man who faces the personal crisis of losing his job (and along with it, his status, his money, and a part of his self-identity), and comes out by doing what is right for himself, for his wife, and for his step-daughters.
It's a funny book, because Ron chooses to see the funny in life, and because his step-daughters are superstars. And it's instructive because it gives you an example of a stay-at-home father who did what he had to do. And it's full of heart and honesty. And it will teach you the recipe for sugar milk.
(By the way, I was sent this book to review. That has nothing to do with my endorsement of the book, but I understand that if I don't include this disclaimer I will be sent to a penal colony, which is something I'm trying to avoid.)
When I was a kid, the Feminist movement was slowly gaining ground, but all that really meant was that mothers were moving out of the house to find jobs while still carrying the major responsibilities of raising the children. Feminism still didn't apply to child-rearing.
As a young man, I thought it was my responsibility to shape my generation by my actions and by the values I had held. It was my job to question the norm and to reshape it. This meant, among other things, realizing there was nothing "natural" about assigned parental roles.
And still, although I've thought of myself as a Progressive and open-minded person, when it came down to making the decision to be a stay-at-home dad, I felt uncomfortable. When it was time to say goodbye to my wife and wish her a good day at work, a part of me wanted to leave the house with her. I didn't love my job and I didn't hate my boy, but the idea that I was now a stay-at-home-father felt too foreign.
Mr. Mom, house-husband, SAHD... What did any of these have to do with me? I was better than staying home with a baby! I was a man!
It took me a while to understand what makes a man. Watching my boy grow from an infant to the amazing kid he is today, unable to hide my pride in him and in myself, the thought I was doing the right thing has been steadily gaining ground since that first day. My job didn't make me a man. My paycheck didn't make me a man. Doing the right thing did.
Which is all just an introduction to Ron Mattocks' book, Sugar Milk.
This book is filled with funny little stories about Ron's interactions with his step-daughters, with his wife, and with characters from his pre-SAHD life, but that's not all I saw. What I did see in this book (and maybe that's simply what I was desperately looking for) was a story of a transformation. Through those funny stories, we see a man who faces the personal crisis of losing his job (and along with it, his status, his money, and a part of his self-identity), and comes out by doing what is right for himself, for his wife, and for his step-daughters.
It's a funny book, because Ron chooses to see the funny in life, and because his step-daughters are superstars. And it's instructive because it gives you an example of a stay-at-home father who did what he had to do. And it's full of heart and honesty. And it will teach you the recipe for sugar milk.
(By the way, I was sent this book to review. That has nothing to do with my endorsement of the book, but I understand that if I don't include this disclaimer I will be sent to a penal colony, which is something I'm trying to avoid.)
