I write this blog and I meet other stay-at-home fathers online and in playgrounds. I've been home for nearly three years now. And yet, I don't think I'll ever be completely comfortable with this thing.
When I was a kid, the Feminist movement was slowly gaining ground, but all that really meant was that mothers were moving out of the house to find jobs while still carrying the major responsibilities of raising the children. Feminism still didn't apply to child-rearing.
As a young man, I thought it was my responsibility to shape my generation by my actions and by the values I had held. It was my job to question the norm and to reshape it. This meant, among other things, realizing there was nothing "natural" about assigned parental roles.
And still, although I've thought of myself as a Progressive and open-minded person, when it came down to making the decision to be a stay-at-home dad, I felt uncomfortable. When it was time to say goodbye to my wife and wish her a good day at work, a part of me wanted to leave the house with her. I didn't love my job and I didn't hate my boy, but the idea that I was now a stay-at-home-father felt too foreign.
Mr. Mom, house-husband, SAHD... What did any of these have to do with me? I was better than staying home with a baby! I was a man!
It took me a while to understand what makes a man. Watching my boy grow from an infant to the amazing kid he is today, unable to hide my pride in him and in myself, the thought I was doing the right thing has been steadily gaining ground since that first day. My job didn't make me a man. My paycheck didn't make me a man. Doing the right thing did.
Which is all just an introduction to Ron Mattocks' book, Sugar Milk.
This book is filled with funny little stories about Ron's interactions with his step-daughters, with his wife, and with characters from his pre-SAHD life, but that's not all I saw. What I did see in this book (and maybe that's simply what I was desperately looking for) was a story of a transformation. Through those funny stories, we see a man who faces the personal crisis of losing his job (and along with it, his status, his money, and a part of his self-identity), and comes out by doing what is right for himself, for his wife, and for his step-daughters.
It's a funny book, because Ron chooses to see the funny in life, and because his step-daughters are superstars. And it's instructive because it gives you an example of a stay-at-home father who did what he had to do. And it's full of heart and honesty. And it will teach you the recipe for sugar milk.
(By the way, I was sent this book to review. That has nothing to do with my endorsement of the book, but I understand that if I don't include this disclaimer I will be sent to a penal colony, which is something I'm trying to avoid.)
When I was a kid, the Feminist movement was slowly gaining ground, but all that really meant was that mothers were moving out of the house to find jobs while still carrying the major responsibilities of raising the children. Feminism still didn't apply to child-rearing.
As a young man, I thought it was my responsibility to shape my generation by my actions and by the values I had held. It was my job to question the norm and to reshape it. This meant, among other things, realizing there was nothing "natural" about assigned parental roles.
And still, although I've thought of myself as a Progressive and open-minded person, when it came down to making the decision to be a stay-at-home dad, I felt uncomfortable. When it was time to say goodbye to my wife and wish her a good day at work, a part of me wanted to leave the house with her. I didn't love my job and I didn't hate my boy, but the idea that I was now a stay-at-home-father felt too foreign.
Mr. Mom, house-husband, SAHD... What did any of these have to do with me? I was better than staying home with a baby! I was a man!
It took me a while to understand what makes a man. Watching my boy grow from an infant to the amazing kid he is today, unable to hide my pride in him and in myself, the thought I was doing the right thing has been steadily gaining ground since that first day. My job didn't make me a man. My paycheck didn't make me a man. Doing the right thing did.
Which is all just an introduction to Ron Mattocks' book, Sugar Milk.
This book is filled with funny little stories about Ron's interactions with his step-daughters, with his wife, and with characters from his pre-SAHD life, but that's not all I saw. What I did see in this book (and maybe that's simply what I was desperately looking for) was a story of a transformation. Through those funny stories, we see a man who faces the personal crisis of losing his job (and along with it, his status, his money, and a part of his self-identity), and comes out by doing what is right for himself, for his wife, and for his step-daughters.
It's a funny book, because Ron chooses to see the funny in life, and because his step-daughters are superstars. And it's instructive because it gives you an example of a stay-at-home father who did what he had to do. And it's full of heart and honesty. And it will teach you the recipe for sugar milk.
(By the way, I was sent this book to review. That has nothing to do with my endorsement of the book, but I understand that if I don't include this disclaimer I will be sent to a penal colony, which is something I'm trying to avoid.)
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ReplyDeleteFirst off, thanks for the review. It's probably one of the best in relating your own feelings about your SAHD role to what's touched on in the book.
I think there are a lot of dads out there still coming to grips with being the full time parent while their wives go off to make money. Having fathers such as yourself out there, sharing your perspectives is huge in letting those dads know they're not a lone in what they are thinking.
Thanks again for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Hey, thanks! I'm glad you liked the review. It's not easy, when every day a new article tries to tell us what we are. I just saw today on MSNBC that men who make less money than their wives are more likely to cheat, which kind of reduces our worth as status symbols... If we don't define ourselves, MSNBC and Marie Claire will define us, is what I'm saying.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes a man has always been an issue. The "ego" issue. Being a man means having a good job, the breadwinner, etc. I think that's what the society has set as a "standard". But I think you have proven yourself to be a man by being able to stay out of the norm and still be a responsible father and husband. Those men that MSNBC are referring to are probably cheating their wives just to boost their ego.
ReplyDeleteLife is somehow fair. Its not only us, women, who have issues.lol
Thanks, Beth. On the one hand, who knows what the deal is with that study. It seems like every day a contradicting study comes out to tell me what I am, you know? But if it is true, then I'm sure you're right. No matter how I see myself, I'm still a product of my socialization, and what I'm doing now contradicts what I had known as a child. The ego is somewhere in the middle, but all that matters are the positive results I see from my kids and knowing my wife has the freedom to pursue a real career (unlike the job I had before I became a father).
ReplyDeleteA stay-at-home dad alternatively, stay at home father, house dad, SAHD, househusband, or house-spouse is a term used to describe a father who is the main caregiver of the children and is the homemaker of the household. In connection to this, stay in dad had become a big issue since then and the role is still subject to many stereotypes but then, it is becoming more socially acceptable now in our society.
ReplyDeleteI don't really care if the husband stays at home and the mother works. What matters most is that there's someone who would watch over the children as they grow up because it is essential for them to feel the parental care.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest being a housedad is no easy task but it helps you spend more time with your kids. Teach them and get fulfilled with their every success.
ReplyDeleteI'm staying at home looking after our kids and my wife is working for company, I don't mind doing all the house works. Good thing is my kids like the food I am cooking for them. I'm discovering new recipe everyday.. Staying at home is great!
ReplyDeleteI really feel glad to read this review....this is fantastic...
ReplyDeleteIt's the 21st century. It seems like so many "standards" set by society are really outdated. In my eyes I don't think it matters which parent is staying home with the kids, as long as they are getting the nurturing and parental care they need. In this economy it is getting harder for parents to stay home and raise the children. It is great you are getting the chance to do it.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great work!
A very interesting article with great and valuable pointers here that are very significant in the life of a housedad. I guess it's just the same as being a housewife, only it turned out to be the other way around. Thanks for passing on this info.
ReplyDeleteI am sure the book is funny. Ron is definitely a funny guy. You are obviously doing what is best for your family and that is something to be proud of.
ReplyDeleteIt is a new world in many ways yet we are still faced with a lot of the "old" challenges. That is not necessarily a bad thing- just the way it is.
ReplyDeleteIn connection to this, stay in dad had become a big issue since then and the role is still subject to many stereotypes but then, it is becoming more socially acceptable now in our society.
ReplyDeleteThank you airfare and everyone else for the helpful websites. I have been trying to understand this subject for a while now.
ReplyDeleteI really like this blog. great post keep up the good work. I have bookmarked your site.
ReplyDeleteThe blog is really good,I'm very much interested in your blogs,Your description on the topics are too good,Thanks for sharing this with all!!
ReplyDeleteGreat review, as usual. I really enjoy reading your blog!
ReplyDeleteI have recommended your blog on today's post about Blog Day. You can check it out here
Cheers!
Your theme is too good and I'm impressed with your concept over here,Thanks for sharing this with all!!
ReplyDeleteI think, the issue here is ego and stereotyping as well. When other see dad who stays at home,taking care of the children and doing other stuffs in the house, they think that he is weak. But for me, it is definitely not!Fathers staying at home and doing the things (which mothers should do) are amazing and great. They are proving to the world that they are a real MAN because they can do everything especially in taking care of the house. Anyway, thank you for sharing this astounding experiences. I really appreciate what you are doing.
ReplyDeleteThe sugar they speak of is Lactose, which is simply a natural ingredient of all milk:
ReplyDelete"...Lactose (also referred to as milk sugar) is a sugar which is found most notably in milk. Lactose makes up around 2–8% of milk (by weight). The name comes from the Latin word for milk, plus the -ose ending used to name sugars. Its systematic name is β-D-galactopyranosyl-
Don't care if the father stays at home and the mother works. What matters most is that there is someone who would watch over the them as they grow up.
ReplyDeleteNobody should be ashamed of being a househusband. It is rather a much harder but more fulfilling job. You get to have more time to spend with your kids and experience a kind of fulfillment in this task. Watching them grow everyday with your own eyes is much more valuable than anything else.
ReplyDeleteNow a days, being a house husband isn't a big deal anymore. What matter most is the presence of a father/daddy in every house.The fact that, fathers or husband staying at home and doing the things which mothers or housewife should do are amazing and great. Proving that they can also make it After all there is no greater thing than witnessing your child growing in a manner that you wanted to be.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Being a stay at home dad and taking care of your kid is what makes you a man. Now a days I think there are more stay at home dads which isn't uncommon. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for this review....good job..
ReplyDeleteI think that's what the society has set as a "standard". But I think you have proven yourself to be a man by being able to stay out of the norm and still be a responsible father and husband.
ReplyDeleteI have been a work from home dad for quite a while now. And yes, the feeling at first was somewhat different. I kinda missed my day job outside the house. I felt I am leaving the regular life most fathers have. But then something hit me; like with your experience, I found one day how lucky I was to see my little girl growing each day and actually be able to take care of her and play with her and my wife anytime we want. Needless to say, I love my life right now so much!
ReplyDeleteEric
It dosent matter if you stay at home or go to work their must be one parent to look after babies and for their care.
ReplyDeleteGreat review! Sounds like a great book. I am a mother and wife. I like to read books that I could somehow relate to.
ReplyDeleteI'm a blogger father too and this blog of yours looks really interesting. Gotta keep on coming back here for more.
ReplyDeleteEric