Wednesday, March 17, 2010

As Much As I Want to Be My Boy's Buddy...

While some things give us reasons to argue, some things have been instinctively clear to both of us.

For example, while we disagree on the best way to deal with our 2-year-old boy when he throws food off the table, we didn't have to agree never to call each other Mom and Dad. It has been clear from the beginning.

Maybe it's because we share the feeling that our identities beyond Parent must be maintained, or maybe it just doesn't sound good to us. But there's just never been a question. Never been a discussion. Never an argument. We WILL NOT call each other "Mom" and "Dad."

But now that he's started referring to both of us as "Honey"... Well...
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21 comments:

  1. Yeah, we got into the habit of calling each other Mommy and Daddy, and sometimes it does feel weird. However, my kid still knows that to get our attention, she just has to call one of us by our (real) first name, so it doesn't seem to matter.

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  2. Maybe once we're Plus 2 it will become more natural? It will be weird to hear him say my name for the first time. Probably even weirder than to hear him call me Honey.

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  3. Too cute - We do call each other Mommy and Daddy, mostly because one of Anny's Aunt/Uncles does it. They're retired and it's cute to have him asking "well, mom, what's for dinner tonight?" and realizing that their youngest is 30+!

    You could just move from Honey to something else until he catches on, and make it sort of a game.

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  4. What's so wrong about a kid hearing you call each other what you want him or her to call you? You want him to call you Herb and Martha? Sure, your identity as fun-loving Herb and spontaneous Martha gets shelved the minute you become a parent, but only temporarily.

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  5. And you're not his buddy. You're his dad.

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  6. We found it more disturbing when our son wasn't around when we called each other "mom" or "dad".

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  7. Our boys will throw out the occasional first name but they always go back to mommy and daddy

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  8. Rob, it's just hard to move away from "Honey." We've been Honey for 12+ years. Although I can see us calling each other "Grandpa" and "Grandma."

    Be-More Dad, see, when we talk about each other in front of him, we refer to each other the way he refers to us. But I think neither of us is comfortable talking to each other in front of him and saying anything but "Honey." I do think we'll win that one. I think he'll realize we're only "Honey" to each other before we decide to use another word.

    Round Rock Plumber, right? It's a slippery slope. You're so used to doing things differently because you have a kid around, that before you know it you lie in bed with your wife, watching Wonder Pets.

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  9. Sahdpdx, Ooh, if he does end up using my first name it will be weird, but I guess I'll get over that eventually. Probably better than "Honey."

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  10. hi! i find your blog really interesting. were newly wed and praying to have a little one soon. im glad i stumbled on your blog. :)

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  11. Haha he must have heard you and your wife calling each other "honey" alots.

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  12. Shal, thanks! And good luck.

    Jojoku, yep... It could be worse, though. Sometimes when I talk to him and I'm distracted by one of our dogs, I use the dog's name.

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  13. Father ... you should check out my post about losing my identity:

    http://parentingsurvival.blogspot.com/2010/01/losing-your-identity.html

    I agree ... it's deadly, and it's hard. But, I don't regret it, and neither will you ;-)

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  14. Goofdad, thanks for the link. That was a funny story. I'm trying to be careful to avoid defining myself as a father above else. Even though I spend most of my day with my boy, I have to find my personal time. I think every parent should fear (and work to avoid) a day of coming to a child and saying, "I gave it all up for YOU." I'm trying to give him what he needs while maintaining my own beyond-Daddy identity.

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  15. Your life will never be the same again, thanks good

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  16. My grandparents used to call each other "madre" and "padre". weird considering they're Canadian :-)

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  17. I dunno. My parents never called EACH OTHER mom or dad, but if my mom is talking to me about my dad, she'll say, "Well Dad won't be home until..." And if I talk to my kids about their dad, I call him "daddy". And then we've got the whole step parent thing here which makes it weird, because there's really nothing for them to call my man except by his first name. I think it sounds kind of disrespectful, but I don't really have a good alternative.

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  18. Frederiksberg, but in a good way, right? Right?

    Keith, maybe they had a story they never told? Time to look for diaries.

    Jill, it's all good as long as they don't refer to him as an uncle. Nothing worse than that.

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  19. "Honey" that is a classic or maybe he just wants a jar of honey!? :P

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  20. That's a pretty sweet but unusual term for a kid. I bet "honey" is your term of endearment, your kid might got from you.

    Jane

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  21. Well better he is calling you honey than "drink" all the time..which is what my 2 year old refers to me as :)

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