Saturday, September 5, 2009

A Night Without My Baby

A Night Without My Baby

This is the first night in months that I will spend without the baby. I've been waiting for this night for so long, that when it's finally here I feel like I'm betraying him; like hoping for a night away from him makes me a terrible father. What other kind of father, after all, wants to stay away from his son?

Well, it's one night.

And in my defense, I miss him. I missed having dinner with him and I missed telling him good night. And now, even though he would have been asleep, I miss knowing he's in the other room. I miss being responsible for him, even when he sleeps.

Tomorrow night he'll be here. Maybe he'll throw food off his tray. Maybe he'll scream. Maybe he won't go to sleep for a while. Maybe when he finally does, he'll wake up every two hours. Maybe eventually I'll bring him upstairs, where he'll spend the rest of the night pulling his mother's hair and kicking me.

But tonight, I'll just have to kick myself to sleep.
Categories:

18 comments:

  1. Funny how becoming a parent does that. You start missing the quirks, good or bad.

    I hope you get some rest away from the kiddo.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I remember feeling like that with my first. The guilt and the missing him. Now that I have 3 with my oldest being 6, I cannot wait for someone to take them away for a night or 2, or 3, or 4, or 5 or....well you get it!
    Enjoy the peace for tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Scott, I even miss him waking up screaming two minutes after I fall asleep. The random stuff he says when he wakes up in the middle of the night... He cries and says, "Caillou. That's me."

    Mike, thanks. I know what you mean--even with just one baby I need a break. Last week I couldn't wait to get up on the dentist chair to get some peace.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Isn't that funny... seems like we dream of a night apart, then dread when it finally happens!

    Just goes to show that we all miss the good, bad, and the ugly!

    ReplyDelete
  5. My kids are at grandma's tonight and I miss them like crazy! However, if they were here they would probably be DRIVING me crazy.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My marriage broke up a number of years ago now and I am in a new and happy relationship. But I still miss that day to day interaction with my kids. Enjoy it while you can.

    ReplyDelete
  7. As a father who has to spend half of the time without his son, I understand more than you could know.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Chris, the minute I hand him over to my wife for a while I feel relieved. That's also when I start to miss him.

    Momo Fali, I enjoyed the short time by myself, don't get me wrong. I mean, I needed it. Just like I needed to see him the next day.

    Loz, thank you. I'm trying to create memories for both of us. I think my earliest memory is from the age of 3, but even though he's not two yet, I believe that even stuff he doesn't remember will stay with him somehow.

    Anonymous, I'm sorry. For me it's just the occasional night when he stays at Grandma, so I can't even imagine how you feel.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love his little hand on the wall...so precious.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Most parents do feel guilty for wanting to spend time away from their children. However, it is very important to have that time so that you can both recharge your relationship batteries.

    I hope you were able to enjoy your evening without the baby.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I remember the first time I was away from my boys. I felt guilty about it too. I still feel guilty for leaving them. But, they always do fine, and I don't think they care much anyway :-) (they're 6 and 5). When they were just babies I always wanted to be with them, but alas, we need our time too, even if it's for only a few hours.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Kelly, I think the picture actually makes him look more like a chubby baby. I think he's more of a muscle man. I bet one day he'll introduce me to the idea of going to the gym.

    Mom, I did, thank you. Although I have two dogs at home, who don't need my attention as much as the baby does, but I still can't just close my eyes and forget the world. That's okay. There'll be plenty of time to do that when I'm old.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I wonder why some couples prefer not having any children..

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well, Anne, I can tell you it sure makes life harder. But even the worst moments with my son are worth it. I don't see the logic, but it's true.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm right there with you! When my daughter has stayed at grandma's and papa's I worry about everything, from their long staircase to the long highway drive home. You said it right when you said "I miss being responsible for him". -Jason

    ReplyDelete
  16. for me its a nightmare without my boy with me..
    ya he do disturbs me but its fine i m addicted of all that... and now i can't live without my little macho.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Jason, you know, I complain about having to be vigilant and worried and stressed, but there's definitely a need for me to be responsible and vigilant and worried, and probably even stressed.

    Bringing, after a long period of complaining about him sleeping all night in bed with us, and then another period of him in his crib, waking up crying and us bringing him up to our bed in the middle of the night, it was very empty and sad to wake up and realize he slept the whole night downstairs.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Its strange that how kids make us go CRAZY all the time and when they are not around we miss them so much..!

    ReplyDelete

    Instagrams

    Featured On...

    Get widget